In a shocking sign of the times local hoodlums have recently been moving away from the old fire starter's favourite Buckfast towards the more cost effective Mundies.
The first known blend of Buckfast was uncovered by archeologists excavating the ancient city of Tanis in 1936 and has provided many clues as to why Moses smashed the Ten Commandments. Empirical evidence gathered by the Institute of Buckfast Studies at Glasgow University has shown that many historical figures were avid fans of Buckie, including Joan of Arc (who really just wanted a shag), Julius Caesar (who invaded Britain on a dare), and former Prime Minister John Major was seemingly on it every day while he was in office.
Since mid-summer 2010, around about the 14th of July when everyone was starting to sober up after the Buckfast fueled haze people began to take stock of the season, the costs involved in burning enough pallets and tires to build a shanty town in Zimbabwe, and the general cost of alcohol and the associated medical expenses. In recognizing that we live in more austere times the Northern Ireland "Buckfast Class" have began switching to the more cost effective Mundies fortified wine.
We went out to get the word on the street.
Jimmy from Portadown said, "Well, it's all about savin' a bit of cash, innit? At the end of the day it still gets you bollixed and the glass bottle is just as good as Buckie's for hurling at the fenians."
Seamie from Crossmaglen said, "Well, it's all about savin' a bit of cash, innit? At the end of the day it still gets you bollixed and the glass bottle is just as good as Buckie's for hurling at the huns."
Martin StJohn-Smythe, Economist at Ulster Bank told us, "In this time of contraction people have less disposable income to work with and are looking for a more cost effective ways to get drunk and start a fight. Personally I've switched to QC Cream."
We here at WNN are asking can the venerable institution that is Buckfast survive this time of austerity or are the days of the orange label numbered?
Only time will tell in this tale.
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| A Queens University student enjoying a bottle of Buckfast. |
